The horrible, raw truth of the last (almost) two months...

I knew I had a plan to start working out and losing weight and being accountable to myself. But I have to say, that I was just overwhelmed. And when I become overwhelmed I shut up like a clam.

I did play on the Xbox a couple of times with my Zumba game. So I did something, other than sitting on my ass all the time.

I recently caught myself staring at myself in the mirror and The Hard Fat Truth of Reality kicked me in the ass. I'm not sure if I've been living with a bag over my head or not. While I was looking in the mirror, I turned sideways and saw it. The fat "belly apron".

Now, I know I'm fat. But for some reason in my head I still see myself as 100 lbs lighter than I am now. 100 pounds, gah, it even stinks to type it out. I use to be thin, never skinny. I guess you would have called me "thick" but not fat. And even then I wasn't happy with myself. Well that's what I'm aiming for. To be back to "thick" instead of "holy shit you're fat as hell".

I have a free 2 week gym membership that my 15 year old daughter and I plan on putting to good use. I will more than likely start out on the treadmill, even though I know I could walk outside. I thought about going for a walk today, but cleaned and ended up running around for other people instead. Now it's 8:30 and in the winter it gets dark way too fast.

I'm going to refer to my oldest daughter as "A". A is in kick butt shape and works out all the time. She plays soccer, lives for it, actually. That's where she is currently. My other two daughters are quite a bit younger than A. I've recruited A to be my workout buddy and to make sure I stay motivated but not feel like I'm failing. I haven't laid the ground rules for this yet and I think I'll be typing that up after this.

So yeah, here's my update. Still fat. Still figuring things out. But I want it more now than ever.